


Writer's Block

by seunrig



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5051980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seunrig/pseuds/seunrig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong hadn’t written anything for five months.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jiyong hadn’t written anything for five months. Every time he put a pencil to paper or positioned his fingers over his keyboard, nothing would come. All the inspiration that so easily came to him was somehow just gone. When he walked down the street and looked at the people around him, he felt an emptiness that he couldn’t explain. This was the longest writer’s block he’d had in twenty eight years and he knew exactly why.

It’s because exactly five months ago, the one person he believed in had left him without a goodbye.

Choi Seunghyun. A name he could never forget.

He remembered the last time he had seen him. They hadn’t spoken that day, only held each other quietly. Jiyong had been nervous for some reason. Something had been biting at the back of his mind for the whole day but Jiyong had chosen to ignore it because he felt safe in those arms. He believed those arms would stay like that forever, holding him close, with hands hovering right above his stomach.

Yet, looking back on it now, Jiyong supposes he should have known. That day, his hands had stayed clasped together, not touching Jiyong at all. He remembers thinking, “Ah, he must be tired.” Jiyong never imagined Seunghyun had grown tired of him.

“I don’t know if I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be busy for awhile.” Those last words had replayed in Jiyong’s mind for a week after he realized Seunghyun had changed his number. He wondered why he hadn’t caught the harsh undertone in Seunghyun’s voice, why he hadn’t noticed the way his eyes glanced down every few seconds as he spoke, afraid to look into Jiyong’s eyes for more than five seconds. Maybe he knew what Seunghyun was trying to say but was hoping he was reading everything wrong.

Jiyong touches the inside of his elbow now and remembers how Seunghyun would trace circles in them on their slow days when neither of them had work to do. He closes his eyes and tries to remember everything about the one who left. Yet, the harder he tries to remember, the more his memories distort and the only memory he has left is the feeling of those warm arms around him but the image of Seunghyun’s back, leaving for the last time.

He closes his notebook, scared that words would never come to him again.


	2. Memory

Jiyong was so sure he would know everything he would say if this moment came. In fact, he had rehearsed it in front of his mirror countless times. Each time was better than the last, making sure he said all the things that he had felt for the past six months. He ended with no regrets and no room for apologies.

But now, as he sits across from him, Jiyong bites his tongue and everything he had practiced before disappears because in front of Seunghyun, Jiyong crumples. Even though it had been months since they had seen each other, everything was still the same.

“What have you been doing? You know, for the past couple of months.” Seunghyun still doesn’t look Jiyong in the eyes and it’s like a stab to the heart, but he pretends he’s past it.

“I’ve been working.”

“Do you still write?”

Jiyong pauses, thinking back to his bedroom months ago and how the floor was littered with sheets of paper, full of lyrics that were just  _wrong_. But at least he still had words to throw out. And he thinks of his bedroom now, just last night, how he could actually see the floor and how he misses the chaos. Jiyong shakes his head slowly. “I can’t write anymore. I don’t have anymore words.”

Seunghyun says nothing to that and only looks out the window.

“Why?” The words tumble out of Jiyong’s mouth before he can stop them, but once they’re out he waits for the answer. He watches Seunghyun turn to him, eyebrows raised. “Why did you leave?“

There are a few seconds of silence that they let hover between them before he answers. “I left because I had to. We weren’t the same people that we were when we met.”

“I’m the same,” Jiyong whispers.

Seunghyun’s hands reach out for a quick second, ready to comfort, but he thinks better of it and draws back and clasps his hands tightly under the table. “I’m not.”

“You didn’t even tell me. You just…left.”

“If I had told you, you would have begged me to stay. And I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.” He stands up and starts to put on his jacket. Jiyong does the same. “No. Just..just let me go.”

And this time, he looks Jiyong straight in the eyes  and he has no choice but to stay. He watches Seunghyun leave once again, feeling his heart drop and he thinks maybe, he’s only a fading memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End!  
> I don't really write GTop, but when I do, it's always angst. I don't know why.


End file.
